There are two roads. One road goes towards the individual. The other road goes towards the tribe. Which do you choose?
If you choose the road towards the individual, you are choosing to believe that you are enough. You believe that the individual is sufficient within himself, or perhaps that God within the individual is sufficient in itself. When you go this route, you attempt to self-fulfill or otherwise suppress your need for praise, and respect, and admiration from other people. You believe that you should not receive these things from the world. Instead, you should find these things in yourself, or you should direct these things towards your God. All you need for contentment is yourself, or all you need is your individual relationship with God.
The other road leads to the tribe. You believe that, by yourself, you may be able to survive. If two of you are together, your chances of survival increase. If there are a group of you, now you can do more than survive. Now you can thrive. The people around you are important to you. You share a common purpose, a common goal. That commonality makes you connected. You are important to each other. You are both part of the group. But to be part of the group necessarily means that you must sacrifice pieces of your individuality. The survival and thriving of the group is more important than any individual, and the group’s values that are most likely to maximize that group’s survival and thriving are more important than an individual’s values.
In days gone by, society leaned towards the path of the tribe. We found tribe in our family, our neighbors, our national or racial identity, our church, our social organizations, and more. Many people still lean that way. However, more and more people have become disconnected from their tribe.
What’s the problem with choosing the road of the individual? The problem is that meaning is relative. Meaning is implied or explicit significance. In other words, it’s what you value. When something is significant, it is because we prize it more highly than other things. If we think someone is important, then that means we think someone else is less important. You might say, “Oh no! Not me! I believe everyone is equally important?” To which I respond, “There are people dying every minute of every day. Do you grieve for everyone equally, or do you only grieve for those people that you know and care about? Only some people matter to you, and those are the people you grieve for. Other people do not matter to you – they are less important.” This is natural and perfectly acceptable. None of us are divine. None of us have the capacity to truly view all of humanity as important. We have to create categorizations; it’s the only way we can cope with existence.
When it comes to a person’s meaning, a person’s value, if that person is alone on a deserted island, then that lone individual’s meaning is both very important and not important at all. There is nothing to compare it to. If there are two people on the island, those two people become important to each other. If there is a group on the island, the group becomes more important than the individuals, although individual connections between members in the group still matter (think family units inside a tribe; your family is still more important than someone else). Some people may be objectively more important than others, and that is okay. It doesn’t mean the someone isn’t important; it just means they’re less important. In modern society, a lot of people venerate this idea through the worship of celebrities. Conversely, a few people view the value of a celebrity to society as minimal, so they perceive them to be less important than the masses do.
It is all based on the perceived significance of the observer. What we value will determine whether or not we think the other person is important (or significant). If we value athleticism above all else, it would be natural to prize start athletes. If we value intellectualism, we value our great thinkers. If we value pleasure, then we may value beautiful models.
Perceived significance also matters because we can find importance or significance in relation to each other. If my wife is important to me, then I should tell her. Whether or not she believes me does not affect the significance that I feel towards her. If she chooses to accept that she is important to me, then she can accept my gift of meaning to her. Our bond and connection will grow. Conversely, she may hate me and be spiteful towards me and reject any statements that I make. She may choose not to believe that my words are genuine, that I actually feel what I am saying towards her. In which case, for me, I still feel like she has meaning to me, that’s she’s important or significant to me; but she will not reciprocate that feeling.
So what does this mean for the individual? It means that one path to meaning is to figure out what you value, or in other words, what is important to you. Once you figure that out, can you find other people who share those same values with you? If so, you will find people who think you are important, and you will think they are important. Together, you can work towards a goal that is consistent with your shared values. Together, you can find meaning or significance in your life.
Another path to meaning is answering life’s challenges by taking responsibility for those things which you consider to be important, but that’s for another article.